Hi, everyone. Welcome to the third instalment of the Self Harm Blog Series. Thank you so very much for joining us in this journey about a topic that can be difficult to read about and discuss.
CL: Sami, Thanks so much for allowing me to interview you. Could you start off by identifying the way(s) in which you self-harmed?
Sami: When I was twelve or thirteen I would cut up my arms, normally with a razor blade. I also have a few burn marks on my arm from a lighter and cigarette. It got less frequent as I got older, but I struggled with cutting and depression until I was around nineteen.
What do you feel caused your behavior?
I was so tormented. I felt hopeless like I had no control. I was on a lot of meds at the time for Bipolar, ADHD, and anxiety.
Have you identified the root cause of what led you to self-harming?
No. I don’t know. I just remember what it felt like going through it.
Do you think the meds contributed to your emotional state… the despair?
Honestly, I’m not sure if they did or not. I remember having problems at a very young age. I haven’t really had any issues with ADHD or Bipolar in a long time. Haven’t had to take med for that stuff in two years. Although, I do still have anxiety. God has brought me through the other issues, so I’m just going to keep on trusting Him.
What were the effects once you acted on the cutting or burning?
I would calm down, feel slightly better. My mom would always be devastated when she found out. It put a huge strain on our family.
In what ways?
A lot of tears and stress for my parents. More arguing between us and also between my parents.
Do you still have urges to cut or self-harm in any way?
No, thank God! I struggled for awhile but by the grace of God, I haven’t wanted to do that in years.
What has been your greatest help in overcoming self-harm?
My greatest help would be Jesus. I was so lost before I got saved. He brought me through so much. It’s like I’m a new person. I was on drugs, depressed all the time, and was cutting. I had even been hospitalized with suicidal thoughts. I don’t struggle with any of that anymore.
I have been blessed with an amazing mom who never gave up on me. Now I have a wonderful support system. My husband who has stood beside and has been my best friend, my mom, and my church family. I think it’s good to have people who will just talk things through with you.
Absolutely. How did you find God in all this, Sami?
When I was eighteen, I was partying and I was on and off drugs and depressed. My friend, who at the time was living with me, was friends with a guy who was going to church. Eventually, they started dating and she started going to his church. His mom and my friend kept bugging me to go, so I finally went. Now I am thankful they kept asking me! Jesus saved me and delivered me from a lot of things in my life. Not all my struggles were taken away right away, but He brought me through it. And though I still struggle with anxiety, I can have peace knowing God is with me and he will never leave me or forsake me.
Amen, Sista! What advice would you give to someone struggling with self-harm?
Don’t lose hope! I know it feels like it will never get better, that things will never change… It does get better. Cling to hope and cling to Jesus!
Thank you, Sami!
These blogs are dedicated to that Someone who feels totally alone and has horribly misjudged themselves. Someone who thinks they’re crazy for doing what they’re doing and may be ashamed. These interviews are being done just for them. I hope they’ve related to Patti, Caren, and now Sami. There is hope. There is recovery. You’re not alone in your struggles. We love you. God loves you. If anyone has any comments or questions, please feel free to contact me. Just go right over to the contact tab at the top of the site.
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