To Love Someone Is Terrifying

It’s about 5:30 in the morning and I’ve been up for a couple of hours. You know how your mind starts turning in the wee hours when you can’t sleep. No matter how badly you want to, your brain won’t shut off? Yeah, that’s me right now.

I started to think about how we interact with each other. Broad topic… I know. But depending on who you ask, there are a lot of different personalities out there. Sometimes we excel at learning how to jive (so to speak) with one another at a basic level. Especially when you meet another person you mesh well with. You know… things click, fall right into place. You might feel like you’ve known them for years when it’s only been a few days. I had that experience recently. It’s fun. But when things are complicated, it can be a disaster! It’s more work when there’s no clicking and meshing.

A Facebook friend posted this article a little bit ago. According to Myers & Briggs, the whole world fits into sixteen different personality types. You can take a test to find out which personality you are. This particular post provided information on what ‘annoys’ or ‘aggravates’ each type. That’s good info! You can figure out how NOT to drive your loved one insane or you can do so purposefully.

Are you wondering what this has to do with the title yet? Yeah, the title came to me first… but I’m getting to that.

Whenever there is conflict, a resolution is usually tricky. What makes one person feel loved/understood/validated/whatever may not have any effect on the next guy or gal. Often, we’re impatient with each other because our own needs aren’t being met and we don’t consider the needs of the other people in the scenario and how vastly different they might be from our own. This can be between partners, family, friends, and even co-workers.

What this boils down to is… even if I don’t think you can place the entire population into so few groups, I think it’s important for us to spend time seeing what makes each other tick. I mean if we have to co-exist with someone for longer than a day, we have to learn to get along, respect each others boundaries, expectations, and wishes. Meeting in the middle is way harder than the country song implies, let me tell ya!

Studies like this can be of service in helping you first, nail down your own personality type. I truly believe we need to spend time learning who we are early on. What is our belief system? What are our deal breakers? Second, study the personality types of anyone you live with… and then so on and so on. So much of the struggle in marriage and other relationships is simply from not understanding how each other ticks. In the midst of conflict, we know how we feel, what makes us angry or afraid. But how often do we stop to consider the other individual(s) in the scenario? What is their past? What made them who they are? It’s unfair to assume that everyone sees the world from the same pair of lenses you do.

b1The terrifying part is figuring out how to be yourself while you are trying to meet the needs of so many others. I see relationships where one person needs more space than the other. They require alone time to think and be creative, if their partner doesn’t understand that, they may be left feeling ignored or unloved which may lead them to be perceived as someone who nags/complains/whines. Exhausting, right?

It’s quite a balancing act and it’s one you can’t win all the time. At some point, one of those balls will drop. If we love ‘insert name here,’ we must learn patience and to not make every situation only about ourselves.

Stop wasting precious time on pity and mourning. Let’s not ever forget the value of allowing God to help us with our journey. We’ve got to pray just to make it today (yes, MC Hammer).

So here is one more much needed reminder that we are not promised tomorrow. We need to appreciate who and what we have right now. Our life is but a vapor…

James 4:14

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

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