A Guest Post by Frances Hoelsema
When everyone in high school has to take the dreaded (or perhaps anticipated) sex ed class, topics generally range from STDs to sexual organs, reproductive functions and of course, pregnancy. Don’t want to get pregnant? Then abstain from sex or, at the very least, use protection. Never ever do you hear about the struggle that some couples face to get pregnant. Pregnancy is one of those things that everyone just assumes will happen at the drop of a hat. Me deal with infertility? No way! Unfortunately for my husband and me, we did have to struggle with this.
In March of 2006, the love of my life and long-time friend got married and knew we would live happily ever after. Then in June we decided we wanted to have a baby to share the love that we had. When we were sure that we were absolutely ready to bring a baby into the world, we went to the doctor just to make sure everything was good. I had a slight inkling that I wouldn’t get pregnant right away just because my cycles weren’t regular so we also wanted to do some bloodwork and other tests just to make sure it was a possibility for us. And although test after test came back great and it looked like getting pregnant shouldn’t be a problem, never did we expect we would go on the journey that we did.
The first thing that the doctor did recommend was to go on Clomid because that would just help guarantee that I would ovulate and have a great chance of getting pregnant. The first month was a bust. But surprise, surprise! On month two I got the coveted two pink lines on a pregnancy test. I was pregnant! Both my husband and I were thrilled beyond what words could ever express! We were one of those couples that told people right away. By the tenth or eleventh week, everyone we knew (and then some probably) had heard we were pregnant. Why? Because the second thing we were naïve about (the first being that getting pregnant without any help wouldn’t be a problem) was that after you get pregnant, nine months later you will be bringing a baby home. Wrong!
Literally a couple of days after everyone knew we were expecting, the unthinkable happened. I started bleeding. Not heavily so I wasn’t terribly concerned, but still went to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. Sadly, no heartbeat could be found by ultrasound, and the baby only measured eight weeks when it definitely should have been closer to twelve or thirteen weeks. The doctor told me I was going to miscarry, gave me some medication that might help with the pain and discharged me home. I felt as if I failed my husband, that my body failed me and that I may never be able to be a mommy, the one thing in the world I desperately wanted to be.
Later that year we got the go ahead to start trying again, and again the doctor just recommended to go on Clomid. I was scared to try again. I knew I wanted to have a baby, but I definitely didn’t want to go through all the physical and emotional pain of miscarrying again. However, we went on Clomid fully expecting to get pregnant soon. For the third time in this journey, I was wrong. Month after month, even after increasing the dose, no two pink lines appeared.
We reached the end of Clomid and the next step would be injections. At this point, I couldn’t go through that but instead wanted to try some natural herbs and whatnot to see if they would help. Nope! After failed attempt after failed attempt, we didn’t know what to do. The only thing I felt comfortable doing was to lean on God. I clearly felt He was telling us to hold off on treatment and to rely on Him. So that’s what we did. I cannot tell you that, that was easy. To wait it out when we could seek treatment was very hard because I am not a patient person. But God was working in me, and I was at peace with the decision we made.
Fast forward four-and-a-half years. Out of the blue I decided I wanted to take an ovulation test. Not sure why I decided to do this because I hadn’t done one in years, but I took it and the dark line I received indicated I perhaps was ovulating or ovulating soon. I’m not going to go into the details of my sex life, but let’s just say we did the deed. Then I just waited two weeks. After two weeks went by I took my basal body temperature and it was still high. For those who know all about doing these tests, you know what this means. After a couple more days of higher temps I decided to take a pregnancy test. Keep in mind I was fully expecting a negative. Wrong! This makes the fourth time I was wrong, but this wrong I was happy about.
Now that I was pregnant, I was scared yet again. What if I miscarried again? But my husband kept reminding me to be still and know that God is God. We had relied on Him for this, and we strongly felt He would see us through.
My husband and I have now been married almost ten years. We just celebrated our first son’s fifth birthday, and we have a two-year-old son as well. I would love to have more, but we’re leaving it up to God for that. I’ve learned to be patient through all of this, and, not that normal couples don’t love their kids, but I feel that going through this tough time in our lives has taught me to treasure my kids and all the “bad” or “tough” moments that come with being a parent.
If you or someone you know is going through infertility, I would strongly suggest to not give up. Seek medical help if you’re comfortable with it, but at the very least seek support. You are not alone in the battle to overcome infertility. I have overcome it, and I know that you and anyone else can too whether it be through having your own biological children, adopting children or implementing one of the other plethora of options available out there to couples today.
Thank you for reading my story!
Frances is a wife and work-at-home, a homeschooling mom of two boys (so far). She loves hiking, kayaking, shopping, traveling, reading, chocolate and cats. Just recently Frances became a self-published author of the book Growing Up Neighbors, a journey of two young children growing into adulthood and finding love. It’s a story based on her own life!
Growing Up Neighbors is available in paperback and on Kindle. Would you like to follow Frances? See the links below.